you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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