If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
