I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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