i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
