and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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