why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
