I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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