I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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