I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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