my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she looked like the before picture.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
