I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
