I've blown a few things in my day
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
