He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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