My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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