Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
