I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize