Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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