Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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