yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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