I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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