so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
