it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
