Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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