from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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