you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
