he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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