Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
