No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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