Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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