my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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