Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
