why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
