Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
barbara walters just said penis...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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