Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
