i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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