come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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