too bad you live with your parents still
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
