Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
