If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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