it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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