The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
