he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
