We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
