Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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