You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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