Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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