i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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