Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
