Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
