I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize