I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
