you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the liver wants what the liver wants
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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