Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
