I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
