Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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