In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
