apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
