jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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