did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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