His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
