He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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