They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
