He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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