somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
