people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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