i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
