I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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