Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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