Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your cock deserves a montage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
