I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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