okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
