hotel room ftw
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
