nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize