to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
