Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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