u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
