I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize