i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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