Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
