Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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