What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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