How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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