She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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