So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
