if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Someone shit on the floor
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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