Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
