ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
