Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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