Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
