I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
