He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
