Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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