I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my being single is dangerous.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
