but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
