At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
