i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
