this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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