if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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