I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
