Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want a musical about memes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
