Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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