why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
