The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
