if i can run in heels then i can drive
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
