If i come over, it means nothing
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize