haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
