I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
