He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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