five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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