I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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