i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ok first of all what the fuck
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
