drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
