So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
