New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
