i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
