What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
