Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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