He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
