Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
